FAQ’s About This Website

FAQ's About This Website

01. What Will I Find On This Website?

First you will find a community of loving people who will welcome you to the family.

Most of our connections take place on the *Social Group* Forum and in the *Main Chat* Room where we discuss everything from the weather, the latest news, what it’s like to be LGBTIQ and Christian, how to deal with family and friends who may or may not accept and support us, or anything else you’d like to discuss.

We might talk about “coming out” or we could get into deep theological discussions, and we might also share pics of our pets, grandchildren, etc.

*Social Group* Forum is our main forum, and *Main Chat* Room is our main chat room where people get to know each other, our failures and our successes.

We strive to find and express our authentic selves.

You can expect that people will support you and pray for you.

We also have specialized Forums and Chat Rooms.  You can find descriptions of our forums here and once you are a member you will be able to choose the forums you wish to subscribe/unsubscribe to under the “My Stuff” link.

We have Chat Rooms where we discuss “HOT TOPICS” and we also have a Prayer Chapel in addition to specialized forums and chat rooms specifically just for men, or for women, or for our trans family.  

And if you’re looking for something that we don’t have, please email mary@ChristianGays.com and we can discuss it.

02. What Kind Of People Use This Website?

Our membership consists of sincere people of all ages, all genders, all faiths, at all stages of life, and all stages of reconciliation of their faith and sexuality.

Some are completely closeted, some are out to family members or a few friends, and some are totally “out”.

Some of our members are here to learn how to understand their LGBTIQ family.

No matter your reason for coming, you are sure to find others who will understand, support and pray with you if you wish.

03. Can I Trust That The People On This Website Are Who They Say They Are?

I have been dealing with frauds and scammers for 16 years on our old websites, (see list of those I have stopped at https://christiangays.ca/fraud.shtml) and in that time I have learned much.  

This new website has been set up with many precautions in place, based on my previous experience.

First, we charge a very small fee to belong to Christian Gays (minimum $2/mo). We only accept PayPal for a reason. PayPal verifies that the person is who they say they are by depositing money in their bank account to set up an account with them. Therefore every member has been subject to PayPal’s vetting.  This is the main reason we charge the fee.

Next, we have security software working 24/7 in the background.

a)  It will automatically block a user’s IP address if they try to login without first being registered with us.

b)  It will block a person’s IP if they try to login with the wrong username or password after a few attempts.

c)  It will block a user’s IP if they are not registered but use Forgot Password link.

d)  It blocks known spammers and frauds from even registering.

I am also notified of the IP address and country of every registration and login, so I know who is online and when.

We also have audio video chat.  If there is any question of a person’s identity, you can always ask to see them “in person”, and of course if you have any concerns at all about a member, please write to me and I will investigate immediately.

I believe, without reservation, that Christian Gays is the safest website on the internet for people to meet each other.

04. What does “Christian Standards” mean?

“Christian standards” mean that there is to be no blatant or titillating sexuality or immorality in your username, email address, profile, forum posts or chat conversations. 

Disregard of this rule will result in immediate removal of content and membership.

Do not mis-read this to think that we don’t talk “sex” on this website.  We talk a lot about sex, especially in the Hot Topics Chat Room, but there are some rules.

Our “sex talk” is for the purpose of education and enlightenment, and finding out about ourselves and others.

No “gutter language” is allowed, body parts must be referred to by their anatomically correct name, and sex talk for the purpose of stimulation is not allowed.

05. What’s The Significance Of The Fish Banner?

A few years ago I decided to update Christian Gays. I knew that I wanted an animated header but wasn’t sure just what it would be. I was thinking of Christian and gay symbols (fish, cross, rainbow) when I had a vision of myself being a fish who was always going in the opposite (wrong) direction to the crowd, and from that, the image of a rainbow (fun) fish among the other (plain) fish, was born.

My (artist) brother, Garry, drew 16 pics of the fish with the fins in various positions. I scanned the drawings into the computer and coloured them. That was the beginning.

It then took me six months to learn Flash so that I could actually animate these little fishy images. I worked day and night for hours upon hours until I finally had the finished product. I was so proud of myself!

Unfortunately it wasn’t until after I had the fish completed and tried to view it on my son-in-law’s iPhone that I found it was not viewable on any Apple products like iPhone or iPad. What? I had spent all these months learning Flash, and now I find out that Apple doesn’t like Flash, and is not going to adapt their products for Flash to work on them.

I was heart-broken. What could I do?

I investigated and found that the newer technology is HTML5 (not to be confused with HTML – absolutely no similarities). So I decided that I would learn HTML5 and do my fishies all over again. (I’m a little stubborn when I get an idea in my head).

I started reading, and it was so far beyond me that I didn’t even understand where to start or what it was that I needed to learn.

I did the only practical thing under the circumstances. I hired a coder from England to convert my Flash fishies into HTML5 fishies. It cost me $200.

So that is the story of the fish.

The invitation on the banner is for people who see themselves as the rainbow fish (just like me), and we are inviting them (you?) into the Chat Rooms and Forums, away from all the dull fish out there who really don’t know what it’s like to swim in a different direction from the crowd, to come into a space where they (you?) can be themselves among others who know what it’s like.

So we welcome YOU into our “family” and pray you will feel comfortable among others who share so much in common.

God bless,
Mary

06. I’m Looking For Friends/My Soul Mate. What Do I Do?

You’ve come to the right place. 

1.  Make sure your Profile is complete so that others will be able to find you by location or with keywords.

2.  Upload a good picture in your Profile! This is very important if you want people to respond! People want to have some idea of what you look like even just friends seeking friends. If you don’t know how to do it, send it to mary@ChristianGays.com and I will do it for you.

3.  Post to one of our Forums, either “Men Wanting To Meet Men” or “Women Wanting To Meet Women”.

Put lots of information including age, location, whether or not you’d be willing to move for the right person, how important your faith is to you, whether you have or want children, your interests, hobbies, any mental or physical disabilities that might affect a relationship, etc.

You can include contact information since this is a closed membership but I always recommend that you put your email address as code like “mary at christiangays dot com”.

If and when you choose to Unsubscribe, all of your posts will be deleted so you don’t have to worry about old information hanging around.

4.  Get involved in the List Serve. Send an email introducing yourself. It will go out to every other List Serve member. You never know who might be intrigued by your story and want to get to know you better.

5.  Visit the Chat Rooms to get to know people in “real time”.

6.  Be active! Login frequently, send lots of smiles, compliments and emails.

07. What Is The List Serve & How Do I Join?
The List Serve is a group of people who want to connect with each other by email. 

When you subscribe to Christian Gays you will automatically be a part of the List Serve.

You will receive emails from other members, and you can choose to read, delete or reply.

If you want to write to the group you will see the email address at the bottom of every letter.  Your email to that address will go to everyone in the group.

If you don’t want to deal with all the mail, you have two options.

  1.  You can set your option to Daily Digest
  2.  You can opt-out of the List Serve

If you need any help with either one, write to mary@ChristianGays.com and I will do it for you.

Note:  If you were a member of Christian Gays before the List Serve was set up, please go to My Stuff -> List Serve – Subscribe / Unsubscribe

08. What Is The Story Behind Christian Gays?

<<So did you start the christiangays website? Tell me that story>>>

In 1998 my husband of 33 years died.  Within six months of his death my lesbian lover of 24 years had fallen in love with my pastor (another woman).  I was so alone and so lonely.  My whole social life had revolved around my relationships with the people at church, and now I didn’t want to go there.  My children were all married and had moved to different cities.  For the first time in my life I was absolutely alone.

The thing that had always uplifted me was Christian music, and in my search to find someone who might understand me I was introduced to the music of Marsha Stevens of BALM (Born Again Lesbian Music) Ministries.  I had one cassette of her music called “Free To Be" that I wore out.  I needed a new copy, and I hoped that she might have more available.  I found more of her music, but was unable to get it into Canada because no one would ship out of the country (U.S.). 

Someone suggested that I contact Marsha directly via email.  I had no idea that I could do that, but I was desperate and reached out to her, shared with her my story of loss and the reason that I desperately needed her music.  She lovingly wrote back, and through a series of many emails she explained to me the correct interpretation the “clobber verses” used against gays, and it made so much more sense to me than what I had been taught.

It was through her personal ministry to me that I was able to completely reconcile my faith with my sexuality.  My faith was first and foremost in my life, and I was not satisfied with “liberal” interpretations of Scripture, but her explanations did not contradict or "water down" Scripture in any way.  It made sense!

So by now I was 54 yo and I decided that I REALLY wanted a Christian lesbian partner, but where to find such a person, especially in the small village where I lived?  

The internet was very new back then, but there was a List Serve called Christian Lesbians.  Long story short, I met Jan who moved from New Hampshire to Canada to be my (not legal) wife.

Please login to view this content. If you are not a member, please take the time to Join Us now.

09. Why Do I Have To Fill In Required Fields?

We ask that you fill in the Required Fields, and until you do, you will be directed to the Edit Profile page every time you login. After the fields are filled in you will be taken to the Social Group Forum page on login.

You have the option of who will be able to see each field of “Only Me” or “All Members”, so if, for example you don’t want people to know your age, select “Only Me” for that field.

The reasons we ask for this information are:

1. People want to know at least the basics of who they are talking to – man, woman, teenager or senior, etc. This is just a matter of courtesy.

2. I need to know last names to match PayPal Membership payments with the correct member.

3. The information needs to be there for people who might be searching for someone within certain parameters.

10. Why Do We Have To Pay For A Membership? Why No Free Trial Period?

There are three reasons that this website costs money.

Reason 1

On the old Christian Gays Connections website I gave a 7 Day Free Trial Period.  Unfortunately that encouraged many “less than desirables” to register with us.  Many were spammers.  A lot were frauds.  Some were sexually explicit with their profile content and pictures.  All of this led to many, many hours of work on my part to keep the website “clean”.  

A PayPal Account assures us that the member is who they say they are, and by charging money, even as little as $2/mo, we will eliminate the frauds and scammers, and will get quality people who sincerely want to connect with our LGBTIQ Community.

 

Reason 2

I received a lot of comments that our old Connections site had a lot of “inactive profiles”.  This is true.  Some people registered and never came back, but I didn’t want to delete their profiles in case they wanted to come back some day.  Some people changed their email addresses and didn’t update on the website.  

By charging people monthly, the website will only have people who are truly interested.  Nobody is going to keep paying for something they are not using.

 

Reason 3

This website resides on a server.  Servers cost money, and the bigger the server, the more money.  By charging a minimum amount of money for memberships, it will help to offset the cost of the server and the software.

11. But I Can’t Afford Even $2/mo

If you sincerely want to be a part of this community, we want you!  Nobody will be turned away for lack of funds.  

You will need to register for the $2/mo plan and pay the initial $2.  After that please send an email to mary@ChristianGays.com with details, and I will be happy to give you a Complimentary Membership.

OR

if you know a current member who will vouch for you, we can bypass the $2 PayPal fee completely.