FAQ’s About This Website

FAQ's About This Website

01. What Will I Find On The Christian Gays Website?

The Christian Gays Website is still very much under construction and will forever be a work in progress.  Our numbers are small, but this is a re-build of our old site that grew to over 10,000 members, so I hope you will subscribe, have patience while we grow, and help us build this new community.

Our purpose is two-fold.  First, we want to provide information to help educate people that there is no conflict with Scripture for a person to be gay and Christian.  Just as Scripture was misunderstood to promote slavery, so now we have a better understanding about the "clobber verses" used against us, and we want to share the answers we have found.  Look on the Information page for supportive articles, teaching videos, downloadable ebooks, and more.

Second, we want to connect people, whether it be for group support, friendship or more.  To accomplish that goal we have several methods.

Group Connections can be made via List Serve, Chat Rooms and Forums.

Individual Connections can be made via the Dating Service and Friend Finder.

By default, to help get you started, you will automatically be subscribed to the List Serve and a few Forums.  You can unsubscribe to either at any time by going to My Stuff -> Unsubscribe.

We pray that you might find what you seek.

02. What Kind Of People Use This Website?

Our membership consists of sincere people of all ages, all genders, all faiths, at all stages of life, and all stages of reconciliation of their faith and sexuality.

Some are completely closeted, some are out to family members or a few friends, and some are totally "out".

Some of our members are here to learn how to understand their LGBTIQ family.

No matter your reason for coming, you are sure to find others who will understand, support and pray with you if you wish.

03. Can I Trust That The People On This Website Are Who They Say They Are?

I have been dealing with frauds and scammers for 16 years on our old websites, (see list of Fraud Names that I have stopped over the years), and in that time I have learned much.  

This new website has been set up with many precautions in place, based on my previous experience.

First, we charge a very small fee to belong to Christian Gays (minimum $2/mo). We only accept PayPal for a reason. PayPal verifies that the person is who they say they are by depositing money in their bank account to set up an account with them. Therefore every member has been subject to PayPal's vetting.  This is the main reason we charge the fee.

Next, we have security software working 24/7 in the background.

a)  It will automatically block a user's IP address if they try to login without first being registered with us.

b)  It will block a person's IP if they try to login with the wrong username or password after a few attempts.

c)  It will block a user's IP if they are not registered but use Forgot Password link.

d)  It blocks known spammers and frauds from even registering.

I am also notified of the IP address and country of every registration and login, so I know who is online and when.

We also have audio video chat.  If there is any question of a person's identity, you can always ask to see them "in person", and of course if you have any concerns at all about a member, please write to me and I will investigate immediately.

I believe, without reservation, that Christian Gays is the safest website on the internet for people to meet each other.

04. What does “Christian Standards” mean?

"Christian standards" mean that there is to be no blatant or titillating sexuality or immorality in your username, email address, profile, forum posts or chat conversations. 

Disregard of this rule will result in immediate removal of content and membership.

Do not mis-read this to think that we don't talk "sex" on this website.  We talk a lot about sex, especially in the Hot Topics Chat Room, but there are some rules.

Our "sex talk" is for the purpose of education and enlightenment, and finding out about ourselves and others.

No "gutter language" is allowed, body parts must be referred to by their anatomically correct name, and sex talk for the purpose of stimulation is not allowed.

It also means that we have respect for all.  We do not criticize other faiths, cultures or beliefs.  All are welcome here. 

Controversial issues make for great topics of discussion, and different perspectives offer opportunities to examine our own beliefs, and if they are still valid for us.  We want to promote learning and growing, especially in our spiritual lives.

People are always free to disagree with posts made by others, but they are not free to disrespect, in any way, the person who posted. 

The safest way to accomplish this, if you have a rebuttal, is to first acknowledge the person's point(s) to which you refer, and then preface your response with something like "On the other hand, I believe ...." 

This allows the person who originally posted to know that they have been heard, and they do not need to defend their position.  It also allows other opinions on the subject to be introduced respectfully.

We will never all have the same opinions.  Hallelujah!  That would be so boring!  We just need to make sure our conversations are Christ-like and not hurtful to anyone.


05. How Do People Connect?

Due to the fact that different people prefer different ways of connecting, we have tried to accommodate everyone's preferences. 

Group Connections take place via List Serve, Chat Rooms and Forums.

Individual Connections take place via the Dating Service part of the website.  See the FAQ's there for more details.

List Serve

My preferred method of meeting and making friends is by email, so I use our List Serve more than the other methods.  If you are not familiar with what a List Serve is, please click here and read about it.

We discuss everything from the weather, the latest news, what it’s like to be LGBTIQ and Christian, how to deal with family and friends who may or may not accept and support us, or anything else you’d like to discuss.

We might talk about “coming out” or we could get into deep theological discussions, and we might also share pics of our pets, grandchildren, etc.

We strive to find, and express our authentic selves on the List Serve, in Chat and on the Forums. 

If you are willing to share, this is where people get to know each other, our failures and our successes.

You can expect that people will support you and pray for you.

Chat Rooms

We have several men who prefer to Chat.  They meet most evenings in the *Main Chat Room.  They love to welcome "newbies", and they are very "female friendly", so don't be shy if there aren't any women in the room when you go in.  One of them will put out a call to try to get some women to join you.

We have other Chat Rooms such as HOT TOPICS, Prayer Chapel, rooms specifically for men, or for women, or for our trans family.  

If you are a woman and interested in chatting, I'd love to start a special night for Women Only Chat, so please contact [email linktext="me"]?subject=About%20Women's%20Chat[/email].


Other people prefer to post to Forums.  General conversation takes place on the *Social Group* Forum, but we also have specialized Forums.  You can find descriptions of our forums here, and once you are a member you will be able to choose the forums you wish to subscribe/unsubscribe to under the "My Stuff" link.

And if you’re looking for something that we don’t have, please email [email][/email] and we can discuss it.



06. I’m Looking For Friends/My Soul Mate. What Do I Do?

You've come to the right place.  You are the reason we exist.  We want you to find friends and/or your soul mate and we have had many successes.  See our Testimonials.

We have a whole section of the website specifically devoted to finding Friends and more.

Go to our Dating Service and Friend Finder

Then read the FAQ's on that page.

07. What Is The List Serve & How Do I Join?

The List Serve is a group of people who want to connect with each other by email. 

When you subscribe to Christian Gays you will automatically be a part of the List Serve.

You will receive emails from other members, and you can choose to read, delete or reply.

If you want to write to the group you will see the email address at the bottom of every letter.  Your email to that address will go to everyone in the group.

If you don’t want to deal with all the mail, you have two options.
Go to My Stuff -> Subscribe / Unsubscribe List Serve

  1.  Set your option to Daily Digest (one email a day with summary of all emails from that day)
  2.  Unsubscribe from the List Serve completely

If you need any help with either one, write to and I will do it for you.

Note:  If you were a member of Christian Gays before the List Serve was set up, please go to My Stuff -> List Serve - Subscribe / Unsubscribe to subscribe.

08. Why Do I Have To Fill In Required Fields?

We ask that you fill in the Required Fields, and until you do, you will be directed to the Edit Profile page every time you login. After the fields are filled in you will be taken to the Social Group Forum page on login.

You have the option of who will be able to see each field of "Only Me" or "All Members", so if, for example you don't want people to know your age, select "Only Me" for that field.

The reasons we ask for this information are:

1. People want to know at least the basics of who they are talking to - man, woman, teenager or senior, etc. This is just a matter of courtesy.

2. I need to know last names to match PayPal Membership payments with the correct member.

3. The information needs to be there for people who might be searching for someone within certain parameters.

09. Why Do We Have To Pay For A Membership? Why No Free Trial Period?

There are three reasons that this website costs money.

Reason 1

On the old Christian Gays Connections website I gave a 7 Day Free Trial Period.  Unfortunately that encouraged many "less than desirables" to register with us.  Many were spammers.  A lot were frauds.  Some were sexually explicit with their profile content and pictures.  All of this led to many, many hours of work on my part to keep the website "clean".  

A PayPal Account assures us that the member is who they say they are, and by charging money, even as little as $2/mo, we will eliminate the frauds and scammers, and will get quality people who sincerely want to connect with our LGBTIQ Community.


Reason 2

I received a lot of comments that our old Connections site had a lot of "inactive profiles".  This is true.  Some people registered and never came back, but I didn't want to delete their profiles in case they wanted to come back some day.  Some people changed their email addresses and didn't update on the website.  

By charging people monthly, the website will only have people who are truly interested.  Nobody is going to keep paying for something they are not using.


Reason 3

This website resides on a server.  Servers cost money, and the bigger the server, the more money.  By charging a minimum amount of money for memberships, it will help to offset the cost of the server and the software.

10. But I Can’t Afford Even $2/mo

If you sincerely want to be a part of this community, we want you!  Nobody will be turned away for lack of funds.  

You will need to register for the $2/mo plan and pay the initial $2.  After that please send an email to [email][/email] with details, and I will be happy to give you a Complimentary Membership.


if you know a current member who will vouch for you, we can bypass the $2 PayPal fee completely.

11. What Is The Story Behind Christian Gays?

<<So did you start the christiangays website? Tell me that story>>>

In 1998 my husband of 33 years died.  Within six months of his death my lesbian lover of 24 years had fallen in love with my pastor (another woman).  I was so alone and so lonely.  My whole social life had revolved around my relationships with the people at church, and now I didn’t want to go there.  My children were all married and had moved to different cities.  For the first time in my life I was absolutely alone.

The thing that had always uplifted me was Christian music, and in my search to find someone who might understand me I was introduced to the music of Marsha Stevens of BALM (Born Again Lesbian Music) Ministries.  I had one cassette of her music called “Free To Be" that I wore out.  I needed a new copy, and I hoped that she might have more available.  I found more of her music, but was unable to get it into Canada because no one would ship out of the country (U.S.). 

Someone suggested that I contact Marsha directly via email.  I had no idea that I could do that, but I was desperate and reached out to her, shared with her my story of loss and the reason that I desperately needed her music.  She lovingly wrote back, and through a series of many emails she explained to me the correct interpretation the “clobber verses” used against gays, and it made so much more sense to me than what I had been taught.

It was through her personal ministry to me that I was able to completely reconcile my faith with my sexuality.  My faith was first and foremost in my life, and I was not satisfied with “liberal” interpretations of Scripture, but her explanations did not contradict or "water down" Scripture in any way.  It made sense!

So by now I was 54 yo and I decided that I REALLY wanted a Christian lesbian partner, but where to find such a person, especially in the small village where I lived?  

The internet was very new back then, but there was a List Serve called Christian Lesbians.  Long story short, I met Jan who moved from New Hampshire to Canada to be my (not legal) wife.

Read more

12. What’s The Significance Of The Fish Banner?

A few years ago I decided to update Christian Gays. I knew that I wanted an animated header but wasn’t sure just what it would be. I was thinking of Christian and gay symbols (fish, cross, rainbow) when I had a vision of myself being a fish who was always going in the opposite (wrong) direction to the crowd, and from that, the image of a rainbow (fun) fish among the other (plain) fish, was born.

My (artist) brother, Garry, drew 16 pics of the fish with the fins in various positions. I scanned the drawings into the computer and coloured them. That was the beginning.

It then took me six months to learn Flash so that I could actually animate these little fishy images. I worked day and night for hours upon hours until I finally had the finished product. I was so proud of myself!

Unfortunately it wasn’t until after I had the fish completed and tried to view it on my son-in-law’s iPhone that I found it was not viewable on any Apple products like iPhone or iPad. What? I had spent all these months learning Flash, and now I find out that Apple doesn’t like Flash, and is not going to adapt their products for Flash to work on them.

I was heart-broken. What could I do?

I investigated and found that the newer technology is HTML5 (not to be confused with HTML – absolutely no similarities). So I decided that I would learn HTML5 and do my fishies all over again. (I’m a little stubborn when I get an idea in my head).

I started reading, and it was so far beyond me that I didn’t even understand where to start or what it was that I needed to learn.

I did the only practical thing under the circumstances. I hired a coder from England to convert my Flash fishies into HTML5 fishies. It cost me $200.

So that is the story of the fish.

The invitation on the banner is for people who see themselves as the rainbow fish (just like me), and we are inviting them (you?) into the Chat Rooms and Forums, away from all the dull fish out there who really don’t know what it’s like to swim in a different direction from the crowd, to come into a space where they (you?) can be themselves among others who know what it’s like.

So we welcome YOU into our "family" and pray you will feel comfortable among others who share so much in common.

God bless,

13. What Makes Us “Safe Senders” of Your Email

These are the things we do to be compliant with your Internet Service Providers (ISPs)

1. We sign all emails with a DKIM signature
2. We are DMARC compliant
3. rDNS is set up (not generic)
4. SPF records are set up
5. AOL Feedback Loop is set up
6. We are registered with Outlook JMRP (Junk Mail Reporting Program) and
7. SNDS (Smart Network Data Service Program)
8. The website uses SSL Multi-domain Certificates from Comodo
9. We are registered with Norton as a Safe Site
10. Our IP is static
11. Our sending domain and from address match - i.e. sending from or via mail.christiangays.com
12. Unsubscribe link is in all emails
13. Unsubscribe FAQ's is a main link, with complete instructions at https://christiangays.com/unsubscribe-faqs/