Skip to content
Facebook

Christian Gays

Dedicated To Gender Diversity and Faith

  • HOME
  • GAY & CHRISTIANExpand
    • Christianity & Homosexuality
    • Listen To Christian Music
    • Clobber Verses Explained
    • Videos – Miscellaneous
    • Non-Binary & Queer Humour
    • Articles by Mary Pearson
    • Think We’re Wrong?
    • Gays & Christian Denominations
    • Listen To LGBTQ Christian Music
    • Articles – Miscellaneous
    • Publications for Lesbians & Gays
    • Books by Patricia Spencer
    • Gay & Lesbian History/Herstory
    • Emotional Wellness
    • Listen To Classic Lesbian Music
    • Non-Binary & Marriage Equality
    • Going To Hell Because I’m Gay?
    • Immigration & Refugee Info
    • LGBTIQ+ Youth Support
    • Parents of a GLBTIQ+ Child
    • Same Sex Marriage
    • Find a Church by Location
    • Miscellaneous Resource Links
    • Ex-Gay & Exodus Exposed
    • Two Spirit Resources
    • Movies with LGBTIQ+ Themes
    • Testimonials & Success Stories
    • LGBTIQ+ Seniors Resources
    • Our Stories & Experiences
    • Blogs by our Members
  • SEX, GENDER & ORIENTATIONExpand
    • Sex, Gender & Orientation
    • Trans Articles, Books, Resources
    • Transsexual Transgender Videos
    • Intersex & Non-Binary Articles & Resources
    • Intersex Videos
    • For Allies
Christian Gays
Dedicated To Gender Diversity and Faith
Biblical Marriage | Humour | Same Sex Marriage

In Defense of Biblical Marriage (Satire)

by Cindy Scott

The Presidential Prayer Team is currently urging us to: “Pray for the President as he seeks wisdom on how to legally codify the definition of marriage. Pray that it will be according to Biblical principles. With many forces insisting on variant definitions of marriage, pray that God’s Word and His standards will be honored by our government.”

Any good religious person believes prayer should be balanced by action. So here, in support of the Prayer Team’s admirable goals, is a proposed Constitutional Amendment codifying marriage entirely on biblical principles:

A. Marriage in the United States shall consist of a union between one man and one or more women.
(Gen 29:17-28; II Sam 3:2-5.)

B. Marriage shall not impede a man’s right to take concubines in addition to his wife or wives.
(II Sam 5:13; I Kings 11:3; II Chronicles 11:21)

C. A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed
(Deut 22:13-21)

D. Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be forbidden.
(Gen 24:3; Num 25:1-9; Ezra 9:12; Neh. 10:30)

E. Since marriage is for life, neither this Constitution nor the constitution of any State, nor any state or federal law, shall be construed to permit divorce.
(Deut 22:19; Mark 10:9)

F. If a married man dies without children, his brother shall marry the widow. If he refuses to marry his brother’s widow or deliberately does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe and be otherwise punished in a manner to be determined by law.
(Gen. 38:6-10; Deut 25:5-10)

G. In lieu of marriage, if there are no acceptable men in your town, it is required that you get your dad drunk and have sex with him (even if he had previously offered you up as a sex toy to men young and old), tag-teaming with any sisters you may have. Of course, this rule applies only if you are female.
(Gen 19:31-36)

Post navigation

Previous Previous
Church of Scotland Expected to Move Towards Gay Marriage
NextContinue
How the Grinch Stole Marriage

© 2025 Christian Gays

Website Design & Development by BEST WEBSITES

Scroll to top
  • HOME
  • GAY & CHRISTIAN
    • Christianity & Homosexuality
    • Listen To Christian Music
    • Clobber Verses Explained
    • Videos – Miscellaneous
    • Non-Binary & Queer Humour
    • Articles by Mary Pearson
    • Think We’re Wrong?
    • Gays & Christian Denominations
    • Listen To LGBTQ Christian Music
    • Articles – Miscellaneous
    • Publications for Lesbians & Gays
    • Books by Patricia Spencer
    • Gay & Lesbian History/Herstory
    • Emotional Wellness
    • Listen To Classic Lesbian Music
    • Non-Binary & Marriage Equality
    • Going To Hell Because I’m Gay?
    • Immigration & Refugee Info
    • LGBTIQ+ Youth Support
    • Parents of a GLBTIQ+ Child
    • Same Sex Marriage
    • Find a Church by Location
    • Miscellaneous Resource Links
    • Ex-Gay & Exodus Exposed
    • Two Spirit Resources
    • Movies with LGBTIQ+ Themes
    • Testimonials & Success Stories
    • LGBTIQ+ Seniors Resources
    • Our Stories & Experiences
    • Blogs by our Members
  • SEX, GENDER & ORIENTATION
    • Sex, Gender & Orientation
    • Trans Articles, Books, Resources
    • Transsexual Transgender Videos
    • Intersex & Non-Binary Articles & Resources
    • Intersex Videos
    • For Allies
Search