Ralph the Elf the Gayest One of Them All

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    RALPH THE Elf The Gayest One of Them All
    by Brother Lawrence Damien

    You may have heard of Dasher, Dancer, Prancer., Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen. You may have even heard of Rudolph the most famous reindeer of them all. However I’ll bet you have never heard of the most forgotten elf of them all . His name is Ralph the Elf and he is the gayest one of them all. What you ask how can this be? Read on and I will tell the story to thee.

    Many years ago Ralph the Elf was born. Don’t know why they called him Ralph but they did. There was nothing unusual about his birth. He’d been born like any other elf. However it became very plain as Ralph got older that he wasn’t like the other elves. He didn’t like sports, didn’t like dating or hanging around the girls and he was even caught looking at the boys. Then the truth came out Ralph was gay. After that life was a nightmare for Ralph. His fellow elves would call him names (names no one should ever call another), would deliberately trip him, beat him up either on his way to school or work and not allow him to play in any of their games. So Ralph spent most days trying to avoid trouble and by himself alone, crying and hurting. Santa wanted to help but what could he do?

    Then one Christmas Eve word reached Santa that a boy named Jay was at home crying a ocean full of tears because he was gay. More than that Jay had been told that gays were bad and Jay knew Santa didn’t visit children who were naughty and bad. So his heart was broken because he knew Santa wouldn’t be visiting him that night. He had told his pastor who said to pray the gay away. He had tried but was still gay. His parents had told him  it was just a stage and one day he would outgrow it. After all they hadn’t raised their son to be gay so he couldn’t be that way. That though had been a long time ago and nothing had changed. If anything the feeling of being gay had just gotten stronger not weaker. Tired of all the pain, rejection, hurt, unable to be what everyone said he should be Jay decided to end it all. He wrote a note and prepared to die. Fortunately on of the elves sent to watch out for Jay saw the note and made sure it got through to Santa right away.

    Santa read the note, turned red as a beet and out of his anger, jumped to his feet. He began pacing the floor pounding his fists. He had to do something but what was the answer he wish he knew. “No child should ever take their life” he declared “and more especially no child should be sad on Christmas Eve when I’m going to be there.” After all that is when Santa comes and all the little kiddies are supposed to be happy and excited as they await his arrival. So what to do? One of the elves saw Santa pacing and asked “What’s the matter”? Santa told him about Jay and how he didn’t know what to do. “I’ve got the answer” the elf replied “Get Ralph the Elf he is gay”. Why of course Ralph was the perfect choice. He was gay and he could relate to Jay. So Santa called Ralph and together they worked out a plan.

    As Jay lay sobbing in his bed , getting ready to do the terrible act, there was a knock on the door. Jay looked at the clock midnight it said. Who could be visiting at that ungodly hour. Certainly nothing good Jay was sure. So he shouted for whoever was at the door to go away. However the knocking persisted and as Jay lay their he could hear his name being called. His curiosity spiked he got up and opened the door. When he did his mouth dropped almost to the floor and his eyes got wide as saucers, In front of him stood Santa arms open wide offering to give him a hug. Next to him was a funny looking man all dressed in green. This must be a dream thought Jay Santa couldn’t possibly be visiting him. After all he was gay and therefore bad. Santa shouldn’t be having anything to do with him. Maybe Santa just wanted to give him a lump of coal. Jay had been told that was what bad kids got. Just then Santa started laughing with his ho ho ho and Jay knew the real deal was standing at his door.

    Santa asked to come in and of course Jay let him right in. Still puzzled Jay wondered what this was all about. Then Santa told Jay he had a special present for him. Really? Jay thought how can that be? Then Santa introduced Jay to Ralph the Elf and told him he was gay. Jay couldn’t believe it. He had thought he was the only one. Now here was an elf, one of Santa’s helpers, and he was gay? Wow was all he could think. Ralph affirmed that was the case. So Jay had to accept as he knew Santa only spoke the truth and never lied. So if Santa said it it must be true. Then Santa began to fill the stockings and put the presents under the tree especially leaving some for Jay marked from Santa. That way Santa was sure Jay would remember this night was not a dream. As this was happening Ralph and Jay talked discovering they had a lot in common. They talked about what they had been through, their likes and dislikes and so on. They also played with the new toys Santa had brought for Jay. Soon they bonded and both of them knew they were best friends forever. For them unfortunately it had to end all to soon as Santa had other children to go see too.

    However just before they left Santa had Jay sit on his lap. He told him he had a very special story to tell him. Jay was all ears. Santa said many years ago God was making things and wanted to make something special. He thought about what it could be a new tree, flower, star, another planet, maybe another animal? God thought no He already had plenty of them. Then it hit him he would make a gay person. To make sure they were special he would only make one out of ten that way. So that meant Jay was a very special person and he should never forget that. Wow thought Jay no one ever told me that before but Santa said it was so so it must be true.

    So as they departed Jay was crying. He feared that once again he would be alone in his hurt and pain. However Ralph said just remember me. If you ever get lonely or sad again, remember me Ralph and I’ll send a special blessing your way. That way we will never be apart.. Then into the sleigh they went and soon were lifting off into the sky. As they did Jay heard Santa say “A gay Christmas to all and a have a gay new year.

    So whoever you are hearing this told if you are gay whether young or old, please know its ok to be gay even Santa says so. And as I said before if Santa says it its got to be true. So hold your head high and don’t be ashamed. Santa is coming to see you no doubt about that. And if you believe and are good as you can be ,then maybe Ralph the Elf will come with Santa and leave a special blessing for you this Christmas Eve.

    So as I close this story may I repeat Santa’s words again.”A gay Christmas to all and a gay new year”.

    God Bless You
    Brother Lawrence Damien

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