How have your attitudes changed?

Welcome LGBTIQ Friends & Family! Forums Men Only Forum How have your attitudes changed?

This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of DaytonaTom DaytonaTom 8 months ago. This post has been viewed 67 times

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  • #15023
    Profile photo of pianoplayer

    Now that same sex marriage is legal, and now that we not only have respectable and responsible role models to look up to, but can also be those role models ourselves, what with groups like Gay Christian Network, It Gets Better Project, and especially this website now formalizing the LGBTQI etc. community, even media acceptance, how might your gay future be affected?

  • #15024
    Profile photo of pianoplayer

    Even at my ripe old age of 67 years, I now feel that I still have a whole new open, honest, proud, productive, loving future ahead of me. [You can add any one of a hundred other adjectives to that list too!!)

    My only problem as I see it is that I may see myself behaving in a not so mature and sophisticated way as I might think a 67 y.o. man should behave! As I come out of the closet AGAIN, I love life now more
    than ever because I have Scripture to believe “God is for me, not against me!” this time.

    I’ve had 3 “flirts” from guys as much as 40 years younger than I, so my libido is raging like a 19 y.o’s.

  • #15067
    Profile photo of drdj

    Bob and I attended the first legal gay marriage in the world (the government of Ontario was forced to recognize it by the courts two years after it happened). As I walked out of the Church, I said to Bob “I will never marry again but I am in favour of it for those who want it.” Well, now I have served as official witness at five gay weddings and am now willing if Dongdong gets to the point where the portion of his family he wants to attend are actually here to go ahead with it.

    That is one way my attitude has changed.

    I loved being free to associate with men after my marriage ended. I admit to being explorative with Bob’s knowledge and encouragement but at 57 alot less like a teenager than I might have been 40 years prior.

    One issue I have discussed with two ministers – one gay and one a friend of 40 years is the transgender issue. The gay minister and I both have said we have difficulty understanding how people can feel the need to change gender identity but both agree with the need to accord transgendered people ALL rights others have. We know the struggle gays and lesbians have had and assume it is even more difficult for someone transforming. I shared that with the Minister I meet with regularly (40 years since he baptized my youngest son and the last couple my wife and I went out with before our marriage ended). He was struggling and shared stories of ministers who were becoming female and he supported for ordination while still being skeptical. Clearly he at 78 was struggling but trying to be accepting and understood my position of according them ALL rights others have.

    My best childhood friend died of AIDS and I have been to Africa 3 times to work on projects (double blind study) of an AIDS supplement. I am so glad I was not active while the AIDS crisis was at its peak but I view my work with AIDS patients to be a bit of a ministry.

    I think as I get older, I realize sex is not everything – having close male friends is. I have lost several close male friends in the last 4 years and it hurts but I still have three or four I see for coffee or a meal. One is not even gay but that male companionship is something I missed so much when I was married.

  • #15122
    Profile photo of DaytonaTom

    Hi Forum…..I was especially struck by Dr. DJ’s comment that one of his closest male friends “is not even gay…”

    This is so close to my own situation.¬† Two guys I regard as my closest friends¬† (not counting my partner) are straight guys I have known for decades. One was my grad school roommate and best man at my straight wedding 40 years ago, and he and his wife loyally stood by me as I came out as gay in the 1980s. The other was a married straight co-worker who discerned I had a spiritual side even before I returned to the church in the early 90s.¬† Of course, through my church, I have several gay male friends also, and it is very easy to converse with them because they respect my relationship and never “hit” on me even subtly.

    So, thinking about the initial question in this thread — I guess my change in attitude over the years would be a gradual erosion of the perceived walls separating the straight from the gay/bi camps, and any feeling that such groups have to be or should be mutually exclusive. This started happening long before any politician or judge told us it’s OK to be gay; the gay liberation movement within Christianity, even though faint for so many years, was a much more powerful factor in reshaping my self-image and giving me self-acceptance.


    All the best, Tom in Daytona

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