How do I even begin to respond to this?

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  • #15946
    Profile photo of Pollyesther
    Pollyesther
    Member

    Today I sent an email to my partner of seven years, questioning her about how she viewed our relationship, which ended many years ago. I just wanted to clear up some things in my own mind on whether or not what I perceived ¬†to be true of her attitude was, in fact, true. ¬†This was her response, which I am going to just copy and paste. I really don’t know how to respond to this at all, or if I should even respond. Thank you in advance for your indulgence, ¬†input, and response.

    Hello, dear one,
    I am sorry you have had such a long, involved, and sometimes traumatic struggle with your sexuality. I truly hope that nothing I will say in response will hurt you. You are one of my dearest friends, and I love you, deeply and truly, and always will.

    Obviously, I have not given this as much time and soul searching as you have done, but I will share some things with you that I have shared with no one but God, since you asked.

    Unless my understanding of scripture is changed, I will not accept that “gay” is natural. I promise I will study the scriptures again, and pray for clear understanding on this issue. Right now, my understanding of the scripture is that God condemns the gay lifestyle as much as He does having sex out of wedlock, or having sex with animals. If I recall correctly, they are all three denounced in the same sentence, with the same emphasis.

    That said, I saw Jesus forgive the woman at the well, among others.

    With this understanding of scripture, logic requires me to say that the gay lifestyle is a choice, not a genetic programming we cannot resist. Something God built into your innermost self, so that you cannot act contrary to it, such as your height, your hearing, or your gender, cannot be a sin. A sin, by definition, is a choice. If we don’t have a choice, it cannot be a sin. Yet homosexuality is defined as a sin in the scriptures. I think. I will study again to be sure.

    When I have struggled with my own desires, I have recognized that I have/had an attraction for certain people. It is currently my belief that humans can be attracted to anything, but it does not follow that the attraction must lead to a sexual response. Even a sexual attraction does not have to lead to a sexual action. Just because I feel/felt affection for someone didn’t mean I had to act on it sexually. Here’s where I think our society has done us a great wrong. We are so inundated by sex all the time, in every context, with no regard to former boundaries of courtesy or good taste, let alone morality, that we have been lead to believe that just because we think or feel something, it must be right.

    I have often been attracted to women. I have always felt an affinity with maleness and with male characters. But I am not male. God made me the way I am, with the ability to feel, to imagine, to place myself in circumstances that are not what He would have me do, and it is my choice how I respond to them. But He clothed me in a female body, and by this He has made it clear that He wishes the female part of me to make the physical responses.

    Granted, I have not always put Him first, as you well know. Sometimes, I put my feelings first, and denied His right to dictate what I should be. I have repented of those selfish actions, but I will never deny that my love was real – it just wasn’t intended to be sexually expressed.

    Regardless of the happiness, the satisfaction, or the ease of those relations, the true attraction should have been expressed in a deep and genuine friendship, which, mea culpa, we might never find now because I crossed the boundary and made our relationship actively sexual. I regret that. Not because it wasn’t sweet, or because I didn’t love you, but because it wasn’t what God had in mind for us, and so we missed the greater beauty and blessing that was His intention in bringing us into each other’s lives.

    I hope you can understand where I’m coming from, and I hope you can forgive me any hurt I may cause you. I couldn’t love you any more if God had fashioned us to be man and wife here on earth. But He didn’t, and He didn’t intend to…

    There is more in the same vein, but you get the general idea… help??

    #15948
    Profile photo of gawain
    gawain
    Member

    I think it would be very convenient for you to attempt to defend yourself, but it would be futile.¬† There is no arguing with a Biblical literalist.¬† You contacted her to get some closure on your relationship.¬† This was very healthy.¬† Now, accept the fact that you’ve been given that closure and move on with your magnificent life.¬† If you need to grieve, then by all means do so, but after your grief work is over, close the door and don’t waste anymore time dwelling in the past, which doesn’t really exist.¬† Revelation tells us that God closes doors that can never be opened, and opens doors that can never be closed.¬† I think this door has been closed.¬† Put it to rest.¬† Blessings.

    #15951
    Profile photo of Pollyesther
    Pollyesther
    Member

    My response will not be to her; that door is now closed and will remain so. It’s to my personal emotional baggage I thought I had checked at the door. There was more, but it was much more personal ¬†and humiliating ¬†attack than I was comfortable with sharing…

    #16025
    Profile photo of Grace
    Grace
    Participant

    Dear Polly,

    Thank you for posting. My very first same sex relationship started 1976 and lasted for twelves. Every thing between us was great most of the times. We did everything together, and I mean everything. Seldom was one seen without the other. Church was perhaps the only place where  we both were never seen.

    She was a Baptist and although their doctrine was also against her life stile, Geri (that was her name), with regard her sexuality,  was the most confident person  I ever met. From day one she knew that she was made that way, there was never ever any doubt in her mind. In turn that lend to her a boldness and confidence that was undergirded by something far greater than herself. Now why did you tell about Geri, simply because, I on the other hand was the EXACT opposite .

    I was brought up hearing all the fire and brimstone sermon against same sex relationship and had internalized¬† every word.¬†As far back as I can remember, my fantasy and sexual¬†¬† feelings was for a woman, still my religious upbringing allowed me to believe that it was all “sin.”¬† So for the 12yrs I lived with Geri¬†I was always under the cloud of guilt.¬†The break through for me¬†came ¬†when ¬†I perceived what was a call from the Almighty Himself. My first inclination was that I had¬†to refrain from my lifestyle; but by some strange event (too long to elaborate here) I realized that it was not the lifestyle that God was after but rather that He¬†was not¬†given first place in my life.

    Still I could not rationalize my lesbian relationship with the Bible. At that point I set myself out to find out what, if there was any literature out there to help me with the dilemma I faced. After three to four years I was very satisfied with what I read. Now I am very happy with what I am, and very, very happy that God has first place in my life. I would strongly suggest that one read the literature relative to the subject, and ask for guidance on the matter. There is a whole lot of literature on this site Рthere is a link to the old site.

    I find it rather strange that Jesus never touched the subject once in his 3 1/2yrs ministry here on the earth. I will admit that that was not what was laid out at the creation, but neither was there different races; different colour; different language.¬†God had not intended rain either. But we live the best way we can with the hand that is dealt. and let us “change the things we can, accept the things we cannot change; and the wisdom to know the difference.”

    May God be with you and your  Ex.

    Grace

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