Journey Toward The Light

The Path Of Reconciling My Faith And Sexuality
by Teri Myers

Hi. I'm Teri Myers, resident blogger on Christian Gays.com. I'm a bisexual, 39-year-old married mom. I came out to my hubby and a few others in 2002, partly due to a deep crush on a female coworker I could no longer hide. They were supportive, which made things fairly smooth for awhile.

I didn't think about my faith; just focused on cultivating my support. That changed, though, when I was outed at work in 2003 -- and became a virtual stranger to folks I'd known 18 months. I went into 'prove myself' mode; trying to show people I was still the same person they'd worked with. Part of that was showing my 'goodness' through getting more involved with my parish. I am Catholic. For months, though I stayed involved with my parish, I felt unfulfilled -- didn't much 'get' its relevancy in my struggle to feel better about myself as a bi Catholic. Especially since I lost my job 3 months after the 'outing'; partly due to my sexuality. I felt I was 'going thru the motions.'

So, I checked out the local GLBT community center, Stonewall. I found much support there. But, it was secular bent, and I wanted -- needed -- a faith dimension to augment it. I found spiritual counseling at a known GLBT-friendly church. It went well, but after many months, I still felt disjointed-- like I needed more focus; perhaps one with Catholic flavor. He referred me to Dignity, the Catholic GLBT support group. I started attending services, and felt quite at home. I had also learned from reading materials my 'counselor' gave me. This all gave a new base for my path to self-acceptance and reconciliation.

Though Dignity helped my comfort level, in the camaraderie with folks like myself, I knew it was just a start. I needed more than bimonthly church services to integrate my faith & sexuality. So, I was referred to Stonewall's interfaith director in early 2005. He directed me to an organization he was affiliated with: Spirituality Network, a nondenominational network of programs focused on helping people in their journey with God. It was GLBT affirming, and had a Catholic base.

I contacted the director; and at the initial meeting, told her of my desire to integrate my faith & sexuality. She suggested spiritual direction, and referred me to 2 'spiritual directors'. I began a relationship with them in mid-2005, which has lasted to this day.

I also started volunteering at the Network, as the positive, affirming energy I got there helped greatly in my journey toward acceptance. In late 2005, I became a member of DignityUSA's national Board. It helped my inner strength, to take part in actively seeking greater unity in my Church.

I also began writing reflections, and opinion-based articles; which were published in Dignity's Quarterly Voice. Writing was always my strength; so in writing, I find my inner voice. Doing research, blurbs for newsletters, and most recently, my blogs, I have another outlet for feelings -- which might otherwise stay hidden and devalued. More of the inner 'me' comes out, and deals more maturely with my feelings and my faith.

I am farther up the path to full self-acceptance and integration. Books I've read, and 'meeting' people on this wonderful ChristianGays.com website, shows it is possible to be GLBT and Christian. It is reassuring that so many people of more mature faith than I can be accepting of this, and feel no less Christian.

This includes my spiritual directors -- one Catholic, one nondenominational. They have put more of my focus on the heart, loving others, and how Bible study involves more than just reading words -- it needs an understanding of its words for our time. This has helped greatly, especially being in a parish which has old-line approach to Catholic doctrine. It is that approach which still casts doubt in my heart, and makes me occasionally insecure about my relationship with God.

Having some supportive friends and family members helps much; but the Network, Dignity and counseling are my spiritual rocks. I need to see that many people of faith accept all sexuality as God's gift, to be used lovingly. It is reassuring to me, and helps me feel it's ok be both bi and Catholic. Still, I waver inside, as I have always been prone to doubting myself if others had different views. Now, with support for my views, I have the strength to keep marching ahead, toward a confident, integrated self.