Top 15 Biblical Ways to Acquire a Wife
1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head,
trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours.
- (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
2. Find a prostitute and marry her.
- Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)
3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his
flock.
- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)
4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the
deal.
- Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)
5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab
one
and carry her off to be your wife.
- Benjaminites (Judges
21:19-25)
6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will
cost
you a rib.
- Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)
7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in
marriage.
Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another
seven
years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first
place. That's right.
Fourteen years of toil for a woman.
- Jacob
(Genesis 29:15-30)
8. Cut off 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies
and get
his daughter for a wife.
- David (I Samuel 18:27)
9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll
definitely
find someone. (It's all relative of course.)
- Cain
(Genesis 4:16-17)
10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty
contest.
- Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)
11. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents,
I
have seen a ...woman; now get her for me. If your parents question
your decision, simply say, Get her for me. She's the one for me.
- Samson (Judges 14:1-3)
12. Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose your son
though).
- David (2 Samuel 11)
13. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a
good idea,
it's the law).
- Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus,
example in Ruth)
14. Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.
- Solomon
(1 Kings 11:1-3)
15. A wife?...NOT!!!
- Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)
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