Living In Faith Sometimes faith is all you have

Have you ever really taken the time to “stop and smell roses”? What does that mean anyway? Well, you can smell a rose, that’s fine; but, is that what the question truly means? Personally I don’t think so. I think the better question is have you ever really taken the time to just be still and look around you?; take in your environment?

Ok, here’s an example; I was standing outside this morning and noticed the moon. So, what’s the big deal? The moon is always there and every now and again you can see the moon during the same time that the sun is shining; big whoop right? Yeah, it is a big deal. Think about it for a second.
The moon, which lights the nights’ sky, shares the same space as the sun, which lights and warms the day; two planets/stars, with their individual jobs for different times of the day/night, sharing the same moment. Have you ever really stood still and thought about that?

Let me share something and I ask that you just bare with me for a bit. I love music; all kinds of music. There are so many times I listen to a song and enjoy the beat, but never really listened to the words. I
might get the chorus or a few words here and there, but it’s the beat that catches me. One day, I started to actually pay attention to the words. It was funny because, though I loved the beat, the words were less appealing. So, I began to pay more attention to the words of the music I was listening to. To me, the point of listening to a song is because it touches me in some way. It makes me reminisce, it makes me feel happy, it makes me want to dance, or it makes me cry; but, in my mind, there is a purpose for music; a purpose for the lyrics. Anyway, there are many songs that touch my heart and make me think. I want to share this one song that really made a difference in me; a difference in the way I see things in my Christian walk. And, as I stood outside this morning looking at the moon, it came to mind. The song is called “Redeemer” and is sung by Nicole C. Mullen. The words are as follows:

'Who taught the sun where to stand in the morning?
And who told the ocean you can only come this far?
And who told the moon where to hide ‘till evening?
Whose words alone can catch a falling star?

Well I know my redeemer lives
I know my redeemer lives
All of creation testifies
This life within me cries
I know my redeemer lives

The very same God that spins things in orbit
Runs to the weary, the worn and the weak
And the same gentle hands that hold me when I’m broken
They conquered death to bring me victory

Now I know my redeemer lives
I know my redeemer lives
Let all creation testify that this life within me cries
I know my redeemer
He lives to take away my shame
And He lives forever I’ll proclaim
That the payment for my sin
Was the precious life He gave
But now He’s alive and there’s an empty grave
And I know my redeemer lives
I know my redeemer lives
Let all creation testify
Let this life within my cry
I know my redeemer lives”

Like I said, this song came to mind this morning as I looked at the moon. I just took a few minutes and thought to myself how cool the moon looked. It was almost transparent against the clear blue sky as the rays of the sun kissed it ever so gently. I started thinking about how these two awesome stars are always where they are supposed to be whether we see them or not. How is that possible?
“Who told the ocean you can only come this far”? How true is that question. Have you ever thought about that? The ocean stretches so far and so deep, yet, as it becomes shallower when it comes closer to the shore and then, stops. The ocean stops. It doesn’t overflow onto the shore and into the rest of the world. How is that possible? Really think about that. Now, I’m not talking about those horrible tidal waves or tsunamis that occur every now and then. I’m talking about the average day. Granted, the bottom of the ocean has its highs and lows in many areas to capture the waters and keep them deeper in some areas. But how did that happen? How does the ocean floor know where to hold the waters and where to release? Ok, sounds a bit silly, I know. But, these are things that sometimes come to my mind.

I am a firm believer that there is a reason for everything. I believe that things don’t “just happen”. I believe that for every affect, there was a cause. I believe in creation. I believe that where there is a creation, there is a creator. I believe in God. I believe there is only one God; one triune God who created all things on earth, in earth, and around earth. I also believe that science proves it; at least in my mind. How’s that? Well, The big Bang theory for one. Ok, so the theory is that there was this atomic nucleus that eventually exploded in such a way that there are no real words to explain it. This explosion created subatomic particles… matter…. Energy…. Yada yada yada. There is a scientific explanation for what happened after this “explosion”. This only tells me that scientists/astronomers have discovered proof of the power of God at the point of creation. “God said” and….. BOOM!!!! Creation begins. I believe that God created the universe and placed everything where He wanted it and how He wanted it.

Now, for those who are into science, you may disagree with me and that’s totally ok. I am not into science and I am not ashamed to say that I truly don’t know much about it. All I know is what I believe in my heart and science can’t touch that. So, there’s also no need (or desire on my part) to debate it. I am not afraid to debate; I just see no need for it. The squabble between faith and science is something that may have no end and I am fine with agreeing to disagree. With that said, I also believe that God has blessed many people with the mind; the knowledge and wisdom for science; and I believe He did so for a reason. I also believe that God has blessed many people with the desire to learn and understand the human body; people who become doctors. When I get sick, I go to the doctor and if medication is needed, I take it. At the same time, I believe in the power of prayer and divine healing. Can one truly believe in both? Why not? If modern medicine cannot help (for whatever reason), I believe that is when God takes over (when we ask Him). Just simply asking isn’t enough, in my opinion. One would have to truly believe in the heart that God will heal. This subject can take many directions and I don’t want to write more than I feel led to, so I won’t go into it all. The point is I believe that there is room for both faith and science.

When I think about the galaxies, and all that God created, I think about the Love He has for us and all things. I think about the sacrifice He made for me; for all of humanity. So, once in a while, I try to take some time to just be still; to look at the moon; to look at the stars; to smell the freshly cut grass or to enjoy a cool breeze. Once in a while I think it’s pretty awesome to really take some time; even for just a moment to take in all of God’s creation. It certainly doesn’t hurt anyone or anything to do that. Life is way too short and this world has become so chaotic. I want to enjoy life. I want to have peace and joy. Ever since I decided to have a relationship with Christ and grow closer to God, I had begun to understand real love, happiness, and joy. Oh, don’t get me wrong, crap still happens and things in life get messed up. But God never promised that everything would be easy, but He did promise that He would help see me through those hard times. He made that promise, and thus far, He has never let me down.

For the benefit of those who say they don’t believe in God; let me say this; what do you have to lose? You have one of two choices. One, you can continue to believe that there is no God and nothing changes in your life. Or, you can give God a chance and find out how your life will change. What’s the worst thing that could happen? Continue to disbelieve in God and continue as you have been… nothing lost. Decide to take a chance with God and, hmmmm… if nothing happens, you still haven’t lost anything right?

But what if something does happen? What if you start to get to know Christ and you find out that He really is cool. Not this cosmic killjoy that some people make Him out to be. What if you find that your life does take a turn for the better and that you feel things you have never felt before (for the better)? If this is the case, then you have so much to gain. When you think about it, you don’t have anything to lose by giving God a chance, but you can have so much to gain. And the awesome thing is that you don’t have to pay for it. What God has for you is free. Jesus already paid the price; you only have to accept that and accept Him for who He is.

Take the time once in a while to really take it all in. Stand still and listen to the birds. Stan still and look at the stars. Stan still and feel the crisp air. It certainly can’t hurt you.

God bless you.

Dear Lord,

I feel like I struggle between two people within me. Not that I am schizophrenic or anything, but there is a struggle within me and I just don’t know how to handle it.

Father, I love you. I love what you have taught me and what you continue to teach me through the guidance of the Holy Spirit. I love teaching and sharing with others that which you have provided. My heart sings with such joy whenever I have the opportunity to talk about you and the awesome things you have done in my life. All I ever wanted was to make you proud of me; and to make my mother proud of me. She told me yesterday that she is proud of me and that she always has been. This came about because of a discussion we had where I shared with her how something I had said, helped someone else in his spiritual walk with you. She told me how she was proud of the way I have grown in my own spiritual walk. It made me feel good to hear her say it. I have been told by others how I have helped them (spiritually) and it felt great to know that. I started to feel that I was closer to making you proud of me. My spiritual life seems to be getting stronger. I struggle at times, but who doesn’t? You are always here to help me though. You have never left me. You have never judged me or condemned me for anything. You have corrected me when I needed correcting, but you are always gentle in your corrections and make me want to do better for you. I desire God to be all that you want me to be and to do all that you will have me do. In this area of my life, I feel content and happy. And, I strive to go deeper with you. I desire to see your face one day and just sit in your lap like a little girl sits on her dad’s lap; to just be held by you and stay in your arms forever.

Father, there is such a struggle within me. I have such love for you and can spend all day everyday talking about you and how I feel about you. Yet, there is a part of my life that is so totally different; separate from what I believe it should be and I don’t know what to do about it. The difference sometimes makes me feel like a hypocrite; something I never want to be. This is a part of my life that opens the door to doubt and all I want to do is go to sleep and never wake up. It’s when I look up into the sky hoping and praying to see you return to take your children home; hoping I am one to be taken up; growing inpatient for that day.

Lord, help me to be strong. Help me to be a better person. Father, help me to be the person you want me to be. Help me to be a better person for my wife and for our child. Help me find the strength to cry, to scream, to do whatever I have to do so that I can get rid of the hurt. Father, I want to go home.

Amen.

There are many questions that can be asked of someone that would really make you think. Pondering whether or not we would change anything in our past, if we could, is one of those questions. It is not one that can be answered on the spot; at least, not for most people.

August of 1989, I was asked that question when I was in New York volunteering my time for the month at a Christian youth camp. It was during that time when my spiritual walk began to grow along with my relationship with Christ. It was during, what we called, Urban Week. There were kids from the inner city of places like P.A., N.Y., Chicago, and the like. They were kids involved in a Christian youth group through their High Schools and this Organization holds field trips for these kids where they can spend time learning and sharing about Jesus. There were so many that month that gave their lives to Christ. Urban Week was a difficult week also because, at some point, there were some fights and brawls that broke out. There was much prayer going on and the possibility of cutting their time short and sending them home early was high. But, thank God, prayers were answered and everything had cooled down.

I was asked to give my testimony to these kids on the last night of their stay. This was an honor, but at the same time a difficult request for me. First of all, there were a couple hundred kids I would have to speak in front of. I had never spoken in front of so many before. Plus, my testimony was not something I had shared often and especially not to more than one or two people. I prayed about it and accepted the request. I was sick to my stomach, but I did it.

I explained that I had always known about God because of my upbringing within the church. I knew the stories and I knew some of the bible. But I didn’t have God in my heart for a long time because of my anger and bitterness. I was sexually abused by the Pastor of our church for some time. I was angry because he was supposed to be a shepherd of the sheep, and instead was nothing more than a wolf. He was put on a pedestal by many in the church and I was unable to tell anyone for a long time. I became angry at God because I felt that He was not around to protect me. The questions that haunted me for so long were “where were you God when he was hurting me? why didn’t you protect me God?, if this is what Christians are like, why would I want to be one”? For a long time, I stayed as far away from a church building as well as “Christians”.

I had eventually learned, many years later, that God truly was there and that he cried just as I did. I learned and understood the meaning of free will and the unfortunate ramifications when that free will is twisted and used in an evil way. I learned and understood that God was not at fault, but the man who hurt me was at fault. And I also learned and understood that God would take care of that man in God’s own way and in His own time. As I had learned more about the true God and as my relationship with Him grew, I eventually felt comfort in knowing that the Pastor would get what he deserves and that God will heal my pain. I also found that God would use my experience to help others. That was proven on the night I gave my testimony.

When I was done talking, there were many young girls, and even a young boy who had hugged me and thanked me for sharing such a painful time in my life with them. They shared that they were now able to speak about the abuse that they too had endured. They now felt free to accept the Lord and move forward with their own healing. This was one of the most awesome things to ever happen. I was also asked to visit one of the girls’ cottages to speak some more to a small group of girls.
About a half hour or so before lights out, I visited the cottage. I was able to take that opportunity to share a little more with the girls about the things God had done in my life, and the things He was doing in my life at that time. It was then that a young girl asked me, “If you could change what had happened to you, would you”? “Wow”, I said. No one had asked me that before and I had never really thought about it either. Surprisingly enough, it truly didn’t take me but a moment to answer her. “No” I said.
As much as I hated what had happened to me, I would not change one thing; because if I did, I would not have been there, in that room, sharing with those girls. I would not have been at that camp sharing my testimony and being a part of why they accepted the Lord in their lives when they did. And the few that had finally spoken up about their own abuse would not have done so and their healing would not have begun that night.

Nineteen years later, I think about that question and my answer remains the same. For the same reasons I had 19 years ago and also because I know that I would not be the person I am today had I changed anything in my past. What had happened was hurtful and wrong, but like it or not, it assisted in shaping who I am today and what kind of relationship I have with The Lord. And because of that relationship with God, there have been so many important people in my life.

Everything that happens in our lives, good and bad, has a domino effect in our lives. If just one domino is removed or changed its position in any way, the rest of the dominos would change in their direction as well. And some dominos would not even be touched by another if it weren’t there. My life has been affected in both a positive and negative way by the abuse I had endured. If I had the opportunity to change that abuse and made that change, everything else in my life that followed would have changed as well. Places I went and people I met. I never would have needed to search so hard for God. I would not have met 90% of the people I had met and their lives would not have touched my heart, nor would my life have touched theirs.

I do not in any way believe that the abuse was the cause for my being a homosexual. Though many people blame abuse as the direct result for a persons’ homosexuality, it’s just not the case. If that were true, then every man and woman who experienced abuse (sexual or otherwise) would be homosexual. But there are many men and women out there that have survived their abuse and are not homosexual. I am who God created me to be. It’s that simple.

God takes situations in our lives and, when we allow Him to; He will take the hurt and replace it with joy. He will take the nightmares and replace them with peace. He will take the evil done to us and turn it into a blessing. We just have to be in the place where God can do His work. He is a gentleman and will never force Himself on anyone. He will not do His work through us unless we open ourselves up to Him and let Him do what He will through us. Because of that, not only can we be a blessing to someone else, but God will truly bless us as well.

So, again, if I could go back, would I change anything? No.


I pray that this bit of who I am can be a blessing to whoever reads it.

It amazes me sometimes how some people can be so insolent when it comes to God; to have the audacity to use the name of God and the misinterpretation of scriptures as a weapon to judge and condemn each other. I can almost accept that kind of ignorance from those whose Bibles collect dust. At least their lack of knowledge is explained by their unwillingness to even read the scriptures on a regular basis. So the garbage that comes out of their mouths is almost understandable.
But for those who call themselves “Christians”, for those who do read their bibles and call themselves leaders in a church to do the same is outrageous. These kinds of people are the ones that put God in a box. They actually believe that they can fully understand God. They are the ones that have the nerve to determine what God will or will not do or who God will or will not use for His glory.
These are the people that say you have to get your act together before you can come to the Lord. But Jesus said “Come to me all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” [Matthew 11:28] There are no exceptions to this. He didn’t say “come to me after you’ve straightened up your life”. He didn’t say “come to me, but only those who belong to a specific group”; He said ALL. He invites us all to come to Him as we are. To come to Him with our troubles and He will give us rest. He will give us peace. Verses 28 to 30 go on to explain how easy it is to come to Him. So why are so many people being judgmental and trying to pick and chose who has the right to go to God?
These are the same people that make God into this cosmic killjoy in the sky just waiting to strike someone with an illness because they’ve done something wrong. They misuse the scripture to do so. They may say to you, “well, ya know what the bible says; the lord gives and the Lord takes away”. Most of us have heard that saying and yes, it is in the Bible. But those words were taken out of context. Those words were said by a man named Job [Job 1:21] who had suffered so much at the hands of the devil and was distraught. Nevertheless, he never turned away from God. The point is, God does not give us something just to take it away from us later. You have to look at the circumstances behind the words of Job in order to understand why he made that statement. Once you understand the whole story, you’ll understand that God does not work that way. This statement was taken out of context and was not of God at all. In fact Jesus said that it is the thief that comes to kill, steal, and destroy. That thief is the enemy, he is the devil. Jesus continues to say that He (Jesus) came that we would have life and have it to the full [John 10:10]. That is not a God that would give us something and then just wait until we screw up to take it away. That is not God; at least, not the God I know.
Man has been so caught up in religion and tradition that they have totally taken God and put Him in this little box. It’s been done this way for thousands of years. We even read how Jesus was against religion and tradition. That’s why the “religious” people of His day wanted Him dead. Jesus spoke against the “rules and regulations” that the Pharisees had and even called them hypocrites. He spoke against those who acted “holier than thou”, making all the rules and breaking them at the same time [Matthew chapter 23]. When we read the four gospels [in context] we learn who Jesus is. Not the man “religion” has created, but the man that God had sent to redeem us all from our sins and get us back into His arms.
Jesus [also known as the second Adam] came here to undo what the first Adam did. Because of Adam’s [disobedience of God], all mankind had become separated from God. But because of God’s love for us and Jesus’ sacrifice and resurrection, we have been redeemed and no longer have to be separated from God [1 Corinthians 15:22]. To my knowledge, there were no exceptions to this act of love. The bible doesn’t read: For God so loved some of the people that He gave His only son, that only a few who believe in Him would not perish but have eternal life. It reads “For God so loved the world that that He gave His only son, that whosoever believes I Him shall not perish but have eternal life” [John 3:16]. He loves the WORLD [everyone] and, last I checked, “whosoever” is anyone who believes. Again, I see no exceptions or exclusions to this gift.
I have had to learn how to readjust my thinking and how I read the scriptures. I decided that I am no longer going to rely on the way I was taught to read the scriptures. I am no longer going to rely on man to tell me what God wants for me because man has no clue what God wants for me. Sure, we have a general idea, but to truly know the plans that God has for my life is between me and God. This is something we forget to look at, our individual relationships with God because that is what it’s all about.
Man created “religion” and denominations as a way to reach God. But we forget what God did to reach us. He sent Jesus Christ. God’s love for us and His desire to have fellowship with us manifested through the birth, life, death, and resurrection of Christ. So, religion doesn’t get us to God; Christianity does. Being a Christian (follower of Christ) is what gets us to God and Jesus made it clear the He is the way and no one can get to God except through Him [John 14:6]. Religion, with its rules and regulations; with misused and misinterpreted scripture has a tendency to hurt people and turn them away from Christ as opposed to drawing people closer to Him. Religion forgets that it’s all about a relationship with the creator. Christianity is about learning and following the teachings of Jesus Christ; it’s about following His command to love one another and to go unto all the world, all the nations to share and spread the good news. What is the good news? What is the gospel? The good news/gospel is that God loves us and wants us to have fellowship with Him. The good news is that, when we accept what Christ has done and make the choice to follow Him, our lives will change forever. We find that we will always be provided for; we will always have what we need. We will learn of the true power in the name of Jesus and watch our lives and the lives around us dramatically change for the better. The good news is that we can have eternal life with the Father [if we choose].
I have found such clarity in understanding the scriptures when I approach the bible in (what I believe to be) the right way. I pray before I open the book and ask God to lead me by the power of the Holy Spirit; to give me guidance and understanding. Then I read the bible in its original context. Or, at least as close to it as I can since there have been so many revisions and changes since the year (approx.) 500BC, which is the estimated time of the completion of the original Hebrew manuscripts that made up the first 39 books of the Old Testament.
I make sure to pay attention to who wrote a particular book, who the writer was talking to/about, the time in which it was written, the culture of the people of that time, etc. These are so important to understand in order to truly understand what was being said and why. We can’t look at all the scripture with the mindset of the 21st century. Unfortunately, not everyone reads the scripture properly. This is how it can be taken out of context, misunderstood, and misinterpreted. If we really want to understand the scripture, we have to read it as it was supposed to be during the time it was written. In doing so, I have found it a little easier to understand biblical history. And when I read the gospels, I find that I have a better understanding of who Christ is. When He was on this earth, He was a radical and the “religious” people of that time were afraid of Him and spoke ill of Him. They even wanted to stone Him a few times because of His message.
I just wish some people would just get off of their high horse and stop judging and condemning others. Jesus did not judge anyone nor condemn anyone. He spoke of love and healed people. He spoke of the Kingdom of God and how we are supposed to treat one another. We need to put ourselves in check. We will never have all of the answers. Anyone who says he has all of the answers is a liar. We need to stop taking scripture and using it to hurt others. We need to stop working against the teaching of Christ and start doing as He commanded.
I do not and never will profess to know it all because, God knows, I have so much more to learn and the learning will never end. I don’t profess to understand all of the things of God because I am not God and will never understand or know anything unless He gives me that knowledge and understanding. I do not profess to be better or worse than anyone else in this world. What I do profess is my love for God; my desire to know Him more; my desire to do and be what He wants for me. What I do profess is to be a Christian. Not someone bogged down with religion or associated with any denomination. I am simply a Christian. One who is building her relationship with Jesus Christ; who strives to follow His teachings and no one else’s. One who is becoming more and more confident in who I am and in the love that God has for me. One who no longer cares what society has to say because society will not be with me when I have to stand before the Lord.
It amazes me how people want to shove God in this little box and make decisions for Him; take His name out of our pledge to the flag; take away our right to read the bible in schools or pray wherever we want to pray; take God out of everything even though our country was founded on Christian faith. Then, when times get tough, people have the nerve to ask where God is or to even blame Him for our misfortunes. It goes to show how silly our society can be. Let’s take God out of our lives, infringe on the rights of people’s religious freedoms, and then, let’s just blame God for all the crap that happens. I don’t understand that concept. You want God out of your life, but when things go wrong, you wonder where He is. Amazing.

Father,

Thank you. Thank you for always being true, always being there for me even when I don't realize it. Thank you for loving me regardless of what I do or what I say. Thank you for watching out for me. Thank you for blessing me with the knowledge that no matter how crazy the world is, no matter how stressed I can be, you will always be here to guide me and comfort me. You will always be there to give me joy; to give me peace; to provide me with all that I need. Thank you Father, that you love me so much that you sacrificed your son to take away the sins that keep us apart from one another, making it possible for us to communicate with one another. Thank you for the awesome love you have for me that you constantly keep the Holy Spirit guiding me and counseling me. Thank you for the people you place in my life that give me strength and hope. Thank you for providing me with opportunity to share your love with others. Thank you Father for being slow to anger; for being patient. Thank you Father for always being there ready to hold me when I need it.

Father, I have so much to thank you for. I know I will have more to thank you for as the days go by. But so many times I allow the days to go by and I forget to thank you. I allow myself to get so busy with the things of this world, that I completely forget about the things of the Kingdom. I forget... hm, I take advantage of each day. I forget that it's because of you that I have air to breath, eyes to see, ears to hear, hands to touch, legs and feet to get me going some where. I take advantage of your smile in the sunlight and your touch in the breeze. I take advantage of your presence in the sound of a childs laughter and your joy with every new life. I take advantage of your provisions as I have food to eat, clothes to wear, a roof over my head, and the bills being paid. I some times forget that it's all you until I realize that there is no way I could have all of these things on my own. I thank you Father that even when I fail, even when I forget, even when I take the little things for granted, you are always with me. I am so sorry Father that there are so many times in which I forget. So many times I take you for granted. At the same time, I am so thankful to you Lord that you love me anyway. I can only hope Father, that I will one day make you proud. That I will one day get to hear the words from you "well done, good and faithful servant". I pray Father that one day I will be held your arms. I just want to be who you want me to be.

I know I'm not perfect and I know I will never be perfect in this world, but I will continue to do what you ask of me the best way I know how. In the mean time, I wanted to say thank you.

Another night of difficulty getting to sleep. Normally, I would pray. Pray for my family, my friends, and even ask God to bless whoever is in need. Generally, I can then go right to sleep. Tonight is different. It isn't prayer that will help me sleep. So what is it? There are words bouncing around inside me looking to get out. Words that just won't let me rest. Not until I release them. So, with the risk of sounding like a nut, these are the words that my heart and mind need to release:

If you only knew just how much He loves you. How He sees what you are going through. He sees your pain; He sees how much you're hurting even though you try so hard to hide it from your friends and from your family. You can walk into a room and really work it. You smile and make people laugh. Your outward appearance is that of one with confidence and no worries. No cares. People enjoy hanging around you because of your gift of humor and ability to make them feel good. You try so hard to be a good friend to others, but don't really allow others to get too close to you. Not the real you. Then you go home and those days or nights when you are all alone, listening to your music, you remove the mask and give room for the tears to flow. No matter how many friends you have, you still feel alone. No matter how busy you make yourself, you still feel an emptiness; still grasping at something, but you don't know what it is.

Do you honestly think that you are alone? Do you really think that there is no one out there that truly knows you? That there couldn't possibly be anyone out there that could love you for who you are? There is someone out there that truly knows you. He knows every thought you have. He knows every feeling you feel. He smiles when you smile and yeah, He even cries when you cry. He knows how many tears you've shed, just as He knows how many hairs are on your head. He is there when you sit on your bed indian style, holding that pillow tight and close to your chest with your arms crossed around it and your head faced down into it. And as you rock back and forth, crying into that pillow, He is there crying with you, holding you (only you don't realize it) and wanting so badly for you to just call on Him. Not just any call. A true call. One that won't stop when the tears have dried. He wants you to call on Him and never turn away from Him. He wants to take away the hurt and replace it with a healing. He wants to take away the tears and replace them with laughter. He wants to take that loneliness, that void, and fill it with His love, His comfort, His peace, and His joy.

He gave you a gift of humor. Not just to make people laugh, but to share in that laughter and to use the Joy that only He can give you, and help others to feel that same joy. Oh He loves you so much. He is reaching His hand out to you. Will you reach out yours to Him? Stop doubting. You've asked before "how will I know it's really you? Can't you just give me a sign?" If He gave you a sign, would you really be able to recognize it? When you recognize it, will you really accept it? It's not as difficult as people make it out to be. It's pretty simple actually. The fact is, He loves you. And all He wants is for you to love Him back. And He loves you so much, that he answered your prayer. Accept it. Believe it. You are not alone; you never were and you never will be. He has always been there, He is here now, and always will be. But it does take two to build a relationship. He does His part. Are you going to do yours?